Gravity wants to bring me down

So apparently I'm in the beginning stages of tendonitis. Any length of activity with my hands - typing, guitar, piano, carrying anything - triggers a large amount of pain in my arms that continues throughout the next 2 or 3 days. Today I brought a tray of coffees for some friends in class and I had to switch hands 5 times over the 3-minute walk. I've put off getting groceries for weeks 'cause I can't possibly survive a bus ride home while carrying grocery bags.

I'm just bummed - I'm so busy, and finally my plans are coming together for my summer - and they may all be for nothing, if I can't continue in the job(s) I have. I have a job that pays the bills, and from my limited point of view, it is absolutely necessary that I control this flare-up and get my arms back to normal before the summer... because I can't afford not to work there.

Trying to remember to trust in the Lord - I know that he has the best plan for me, and just 'cause I think this job is crucial doesn't mean that he thinks so. He may want me somewhere else, and he will take care of me no matter how poor I get, or if I have to put off school for a year, or finally delve into debt. I am just disappointed; I wanted to make sure to pull my weight and contribute to my future (with R) by not having debt, and by having a well-paying job and some savings. I am discouraged.

No, I did not fall off the face of the earth!

Hello! Here's a little snippet of why I don't have much time for blogging these days:

• Full courseload of classes, plus one. This means that I have a lab every day of the week, except for Thursday, from 2 pm to 5 or 6 pm. FYI: Labs are incredibly time-consuming. Not only is there lab prep, then time spent in the lab, but there are lab writeups, and quizzes every day to prep for (usually they're the kind where we know 10 questions ahead of time and they choose 4 to test us on. So it is possible to be prepared, but the questions are hard and it's time-consuming to research all the answers the night before). Also, for one of my labs, I've been spending an average of ten extra hours/week in the lab, collecting more data for those writeups.
• Two part-time jobs. I am crazy. One is in Surrey, and one is here at UBC. One pays the bills, one pays essentially nothing but gives me field-related experience to use to find employment after graduation. It's gonna pay off in the long run.
• A (weekend) boyfriend. Poor R sees me usually Friday nights and most of Saturday... if we're lucky. I've been taking Saturdays off work so we can at least do homework together. And then that's it. Another entire week until I see him, because I usually either work Sunday mornings and boot it back here to study madly, or I see him at church, work all afternoon, then bus up Monday morning.
• Choir. This has thankfully just ended, as this weekend we performed our pieces and we have a break until the next set, in September. This gives me one more night/week to study.
• Bible study / Core group. I am co-leading this, one night/week, and I am definitely not as involved in the overall group (all of the Bible studies get together Thursday nights for a worship/speaker night) as I should be, considering that I am a leader.
• Searching for housing come April. So I had planned to move back home in the summer to save money... apparently that's not gonna work out. I'm not really welcome back home, which feels great. But maybe this is for the best; I love living in Vancouver, and to be perfectly honest, I don't like living with my parents. I've lived away for too long, and decided too many things about the way I'm going to live my life and interact with people. Having to rent all summer just puts a large limitation on the amount of money I'll be able to save for ... any important events coming up in my life... ;)
• My (brand new) computer crashed in January. So I had to send it in for repairs, and I lost essentially everything (all the photos that Rich doesn't have doubles of, all my documents/assignments/labs/tax info/resumes, etc.). I hadn't backed it up yet because the computer was only 3 months old. It was just a lemon; they replaced my hard drive for me 'cause it was just crashed and made funny noises.
• Getting my passport stuff in! I'm finally going on a holiday this summer! With R's family... NEW YORK, here I come! My first holiday in a good 3 years (I went camping for almost a week 3 summers ago). Since then I've gone straight from school to work and straight back to school, with only a single day in between to move.

And the rest time is spent either cramming for tests that I need to study for, or stressing and procrastinating about all of the studying I haven't gotten to.

For example, this week:

Tomorrow I have an oral lab report presentation

Wednesday I have to write an in-class lab report (like a test, but we bring in our pre-analyzed raw data, and references, and any figures that we want to use). This will be a challenge both in preparation and execution, as it has to be a well-thought-out discussion of our results and our predicted model of gene interaction.

Thursday is another midterm. Not a full one, technically, because for this class I have 4 "midterms..." so this will be the 3rd.

And I am just generally pooped. Emotionally I have no space - any little thing sets me off. Poor R has to deal with this shamble of a girlfriend even in the rare times he gets to see me. It was silly to take this much on, but somehow it all became necessary, and somehow I can't drop anything. Plus, I do enjoy everything I'm doing.

So speaking of studying. I already went to the lab (job lab) this morning until 9:30, then came home to study before class at 11. So I guess I'd better get on that.

Let's find a nice picture to leave you with. Here's us at Christmas:

Trying to study

ME: Come on, Tricia, just focus.

MY BRAIN: But I am SO tired.

ME: You can do it.

BRAIN: No, I really can't. I am on overload and burn-out.

ME: I know, I know. But we are almost there.

BRAIN: No we're not! You've tricked me into believing you many times in the last two weeks, but there's always another exam.

ME: This is the last exam. I promise.

BRAIN: But I know you too well... that can't be it.

ME: Well, there might be a short paper to do...

BRAIN: I knew it!!

ME: ...but then we're completely finished.

BRAIN: No, then there's packing so we can move home for the holidays, then you're going to work the day after you get there, and you have to go Christmas shopping in the 3 days before Christmas, and we're going to go to work nearly every day except Christmas day.

ME: ...um...

BRAIN: And then you're spend time with two or three parts of families, and then work more. ...

ME: ...um...

BRAIN: And then you said you might play at a church event the weekend after Christmas.

ME: ...um... yeah?

BRAIN: So aren't you asking a little too much of me?

ME: You've got it pretty easy, Brain; you should speak to back or neck or eyes... or wrists. They're all feeling a little under-the-weather from sitting at desks and staring at computer screens for two weeks.

BRAIN: Well, after you printed your cheat sheet for the last exam the same on both sides, leaving me to fend for myself on all the questions about skeletal, cardiac, or smooth muscle... I think I've performed past my requirements.

ME: But remember what the profs said about the exam tomorrow!! If we get 100% on the entire exam, they'll give us 100% in the course. Wouldn't that be amazing?

BRAIN: I don't give a **$%&#$**. Let me go to bed.

Rejoice with me, dear friends!

I am almost 100% positive that I did pass my biochem exam that I wrote this morning. It was not easy, and my brain was rebelling at what I crammed into it over the last 2 days, but I did remember several things. Probably enough to pass, though not with an A. Or probably even a B. But since this course is all year, I have another midterm and final to add to this one.

It's been tough to fit the study time in, what with working, and 5 other tough classes, and other labs and exams and papers, and the boyfriend, and co-leading my Core group... and you know, there's facebook... (actually I'm not that bad of a facebook junkie; but blog-reading... there is my problem. Also downloading music. My library expands every time I have to study)...

So wish me luck and send me prayers. My next exam is tomorrow morning at 8:30, so I have less than 24 hours to cram for my other hardest class. I have a lot to learn... and this one I can't fail because it actually IS the end of the class... and this exam is worth 40%. Yikes.

Blogging re-initiated now that I have no time

Yep, how many of you missed me? I had a decent summer, wasn't too packed. I worked. Now that I'm back at school, and my full schedule is looming, I shall re-familiarize you all with my life as it is. Since I have so much free time now.

How about a class list:

1) Biochemistry 303 (looks hard - runs all year. Lots of memorizing chemical structures. Ugh.)
2) Biology 300 - Biometrics (like a stats class. Shouldn't be too bad, there's a computer-lab component as well)
3) Biology 331 - Developmental Biology (looks hard as well - 4 credit class instead of the usual 3. Also a lab component)
4) Biology 334 - Intro to Genetic Analysis (fun!!! I LOVE this class so far. It's all puzzles and tracing genetic diseases - not much memorizing either, just applying problem-solving skills)
5) Biology 361 - Cell physiology (my prof talks super fast, but this class shouldn't be too bad)
6) Biology 360 - Cell physiology lab, runs all year, with no associated lecture. Stands on its own. Looks fun.

I'm also co-leading a Core group (like a Bible study, associated with University Christian Ministries on campus), and attending weekly meetings, and possibly serving in a musical/worship area, though that is my last priority and they are aware of that.

AND! I'm getting a JOB!! Good thing, because I'm running out of money. I was also hoping to go on this retreat next weekend with UCM, but it's an extra $55 I don't have... amazing how my budget constricts. Once my scholarship's in maybe I won't feel so tight.

And now I don't feel so tight because I know this job is on the way!! I have been waiting for about a month and a half since the first interview - it's a typist job in Surrey for the RCMP, so I have to have security clearance. I had to do a security interview, and I knew it would be a long process... but I almost gave up hope. I think everyone that I told about this potential job thinks it fell through because it's been so long. But I heard from her today, and she's finally got the clearance, meaning we can start on the next step! Like working!! It'll suck to be going back to Surrey so often, but I am just an auxiliary (not the full-timer) so I am not the only person they rely on... it sounds like we can adjust pretty well for time. Like Saturdays and maybe one or two evenings/week. And it's union pay, so it's worth the travel time even for one shift.

Leaving my job this summer was kind of sad - I got to know my co-workers so much better this year. Felt like part of the team, and I was way more useful this year as well. Helps to not have to train from the beginning. I was indespensable! Felt good.

And on my last day, my boss brought in a big bouquet of flowers for me and they all signed a card hoping I'll be back next summer (they're sucking up because they got all these phone calls for references for this during-the-school-year job). AND the ladies all got together (3 of them in my department, 2 in reception) and bought me Timmy Ho's gift certificates!! They know how I love my morning coffees and they know I feel tight for money and they handed me a stack of ten booklets! That's $50 to Tim Hortons. Since we have 2 on campus I can afford to buy one coffee/week (say... Mondays?) and do that both semesters without losing a penny. I'm so thankful for the blessing of that job and those nice ladies.

And R and I are still together (he's on the first floor of my building this year, and I'm on the third).

I really miss my little sister.

I love the weather here - it's been hot but today was the first foggy day. I forgot how much I love the wind and fog on the point - stirs the romantic in me.

So tell me something. What do you want to hear about this year? I see all these themes in other peoples' blogs - Foto Fridays, Hair Thursdays, etc. For all you (3) faithful readers, maybe I'd find a funny comment to share each day I post. Or post a picture to epitomize my life that day. Any thoughts?

Yay!

My last grade finally came in. I am becoming more and more pleased with my grades. My first semester at UBC was a shocker - I had a better-than-4.0 at TWU, but I quickly learned that TWU didn't have quite the academic standards that UBC has. My first term at UBC kinda flattened my faith in my academic level, but as I'm getting more and more used to the huge classes - and the need to network, immediately - they're slowly raising. I got straight A's this term, if you count A minuses:

Physical Chemistry: 84% (A-)
Intro to Biochemistry: 80% (A-)
Invertebrate Zoology: 81% (A-)
Organic Chemistry Lab: 89% (A)
Diatonic Harmony: 89% (A) I think I need to switch majors... music here I come!

So I've never been happy with 80 percents, but I'm realizing that 80%'s are GREAT!! Especially if they're relatively consistent. I'm learning not to be deathly dependent on good grades - other things are more important. I'm more excited to take more 3rd-year classes, cuz they'll be more specialized and interesting. Harder, but not so boring.

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - Robert Frost

R and I celebrated our two-year datin'-iversary on April 12. To put a cap on a tough year, and start an amazing new one, we got to go out on a date together, alone. It was the last day of classes, so we had no tests or exams to monopolize our evening (remember Valentine's Day?). We went to the Cellar, a jazz club I've been wanting to go to for about two years. It was busy and noisy, but a good time.

I love this boy. He makes me feel special and he's my best friend. Not to mention a great kisser and a loyal companion.


I was giving him heck yesterday because of his haircut. Not because he got it cut, because I love it, and he's sexier than he's ever been - but because we haven't had a picture together in so long that I missed the whole era of his long hair. I get jealous easily, and sometimes I see these brand new couples and their kazillion pictures of them together, going on great adventures - and my picture reservoir from this year contains us studying, us studying, and ... us studying. Sometimes there's a beach shot or two, with no one in them.

So I loved his long hair since he got this new hairdresser that shaped it nicely. It was fun to play with, even if he was always in need of a haircut. And as of last weekend it's short, and usually full of wax. But definitely hot, particularly since the stubble of neglect is growing in more evenly and manly than when we first started dating. But I was panicking that I had no pictures to mark the era. Also I was giving him heck by implying that most boyfriends (at least new ones) want pictures with their girlfriends, to mark their territory or do some slight bragging.

I found the one, above, and also several from the actual day of our dating-iversary, since he brought me flowers! Of course, there are none of us together:





You can see the fascinating subject of my concentration, even on the most celebrated day.

So. Pictures of us - together - will come more often, now that it is summer. Even though he has another course... when that is done, we will be trigger-happy.

Top 10 Things I have learned about studying, in order of increasing importance

1. The only way a boyfriend can be a good study buddy is if I look like I'm about to have a nervous meltdown. If I look panicked enough, he'll leave me in silence. Otherwise, every 30 seconds is a question about his own work, or a "Hey, did you know..." tidbit from his studies or his Time magazine. Very much distracts me and breaks up any concentration I may have had.
   
2. Msn does not help me study, whether I'm talking to someone from my class or not. Facebook also does not help.
3. Blogs do not help me study.
   
4. Music must be off. My brain is no longer sharp enough to concentrate with music. Even classical is a stretch. Anything else I realize I'm just bellowing at the top of my lungs and meanwhile reading the same paragraph over and over.
5. My brain is much duller than it used to be. I can no longer study only the day before. My memory is not what it used to be.
   
6. Chemistry is not my friend. It may pose, but it's not my friend.
7. If you want to study in science, be prepared... Psychology is really Biology, Biology is really all chemistry, Chemistry is essentially physics and Physics is all Calculus.
8. Sometimes I just have to start. Dreading the beginning of a new subject doesn't get me anywhere. Also, learning a lesson about procrastination doesn't mean I will remember the lesson.
   
9. Watching stupid episodes of the O.C. do not help me study in the least.
10. Most importantly: when studying for 18 hours straight in the same chair, I will never again wear underwear with elastic around the bum. This causes much pain and a deep, deep elastic-rubbed crease. This is the most important lesson I can share with anyone.
    

Porn and Donuts

Well, yet another reminder that UBC isn't the little happy private school that TWU was. And yet another thankful prayer sent heavenward that I didn't have to live in a dorm here!

Our buddy lives in "Vanier," one of the first-year dorms. It's tiny and cramped and dingy and cheap. He saw a sign for a "Porn and donuts" party. He figured the porn part was a joke, or maybe even just 'soft porn.' There's no way people would actually watch something like that together, right? In a group? No way.

But he loves his donuts, and went to grab one. There were about 50 people there, and a big-screen tv playing some hardcore, not-soft porn. They had the windows covered so you couldn't see in from the outside. People were milling around eating donuts, like the tv was background noise. Our buddy booted it out of there in about 10 seconds (enough time to grab a donut, haha).

So, yet another way of desensitizing us. This is a legitimate event organized by the housing directors. Let it happen in groups, let people get over the awkwardness of it, and soon it'll be ok in every area of our lives. It makes me sick.

Little bits

Aeolidiella cf. drusilla


Yeah, so I seriously just spent like an hour looking for this picture. Nudibranchs (sea slugs) are the absolute most beautiful animals in the world and I was inspired by a slideshow in class this morning to share this one with you. It's not the most colourful, but it is the one that looks most like the one I found at our friend's cabin on the sunshine coast. Obviously it's not the same species, since this one is native to New Zealand... but I looked through a gazillion lists. This morning my prof showed one in class that looked exactly like the one I found, and the habitat fit, but I didn't write down the name! All I could remember was that it started with an A. So I clicked on a billion links and this one LOOKS closest, so I'm sure none of you care that it's not exactly the one I found. That's ok. I'll post more pictures of more beautiful, tropical ones later.

So I am bummed out. My grades are sucking. I had so much to write but I feel like not bothering anymore.

The other day I went my first full day since the surgery without a nap - then went to bed at 10:00. But far from sleeping well, I tossed and turned all night. Woke up like 6 times with numb limbs. And I kept having these weird dreams... and in my half-awake state I convinced myself that I, the amazing writer of prose, could turn these weird dreams into something significant and philosophical. You know, like those "deep" stories we'd read in high school that were all symbolic. I half awoke, and analyzed the meanings of my dreams, planning to finally do something useful and write them down. Of course, as day really dawned, I realized they were all gibberish, and there was nothing to glean from any point in the dream. It was something about like, a change room attendant bringing my sister and I clothes to try on... and she was treating us nicely because she missed her own sister.... like I said. I can't believe I pulled a fast one on myself thinking I may have had something to say ... ! Even if I had the technical training.

Hahaha, none of that makes any sense.

I felt the worst probably yesterday that I did since the surgery. Drugs making me dizzy so I'm pretty much done them. My face got suddenly swollen and I got a sudden insecurity fix. I barely see R, and I'm lonely. I've only really not spent time with him for a week, but I got this sudden complex about my belly growing fatter over the week span. Amazing how a week of crappiness can change your secure feeling. I haven't really felt insecure about us as a couple for a long time... but combined with feeling like I'm gaining weight, and failing classes (my grades SUCK and I'm bummed because it's one of those times when I feel like I actually should be doing better... but I'm not. So I don't even know what I don't know), and being on drugs. And not seeing R.

So tonight we're goin with matt and katie out for sushi. All-you-can-eat. Which doesn't help my weight feeling :) But it SURE helps the "I miss sushi" feeling. Particularly I miss sunomono salad. And hopefully the "I miss R" feeling, because he is NOT allowed to touch his books for at least THREE HOURS STRAIGHT tonight. I seriously haven't seen him all week and it sucks. Sucks a lot. So I have to milk it over the weekend and save up for another week without him. I'm so lonely. I even miss my parents this week; don't get me wrong - my parents are great. But I really enjoy my space from them. Just this week I saw some tv with a dad on it that reminded me of my own dad... how he used to be. I miss how my dad used to be. We don't have the relationship we used to - I used to feel like a daddy's girl, but now he feels fake every time he talks to me.

Wow, I just got an e-mail from my mom. Interesting. Signing off; I'm going to try and get an assignment done and then I'm going to make TUNA BAGEL MELTS for lunch!! I'm SO EXCITED about solid foods and I LOVE food. Feels like it's the only thing that I really look forward to lately - either looking forward to class being over, or to the weekend starting, or to my next meal. I wish I liked school again.

Lots has happened

I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday morning. Everything went swimmingly, and I'm barely swollen. This is me today, 3 days after - probably with the largest cheeks that I got during the whole time. I suck at taking my own pictures.I got sedated, which means I was awake but there was a nice amnesia component to the IV which caused me to forget everything. I didn't get the side effects of going fully under, but I don't remember any grinding or breaking. I kept the two smaller teeth, that got kept intact - and BOY! They are HUGE!! I may make them into a Tarzan Necklace.

So after all the horror stories, I survived fine. My biggest problem is that I get SO HUNGRY!! Pudding, jello, porridge, soup, scrambled eggs even the day after, are NOT enough. I LOVE food, and it's so hard not to eat whatever I want. Today I'm gettin into the solid food a little, and into the stage where the crap gets stuck in the holes in the back of your mouth. Kinda gross. But worth it to eat real food again.

I'm back in classes, only took one T-3 today at 7:30 a.m. Painkillers are gettin weaned off pretty quickly. It was nice too cuz R bought me some "orajel" - the gum-numbing stuff for babies. It's been nice, especially cuz I ripped a couple stitches yesterday... already. Seems as though I can't quit laughing with my mouth wide open.

Been nice to see R a little more too - he spent most of the day with me Friday, picked up my perscriptions, and Saturday I was already over at his place playing cranium with everyone. We watched a bunch of lost - my brain wasn't foggy like I expected, but I still am taking the extra day extension on my lab exam because I gave myself two days without studying (even though I could've studied if I'd really been motivated).


So that's the big news.

Also, while in hometown this weekend I helped R make a trial version of a ring, in his shop. It's so comfy, and I like it - I like the wood grain, just wish it was darker. Or that I had a tan.

Mmmm, I also went to an "exercise" class with Dayna over the break... turns out it was an Abs, Butt, and Thighs class. Thought I was taking it easy but the next day I could hardly walk. Anything squatting (going down stairs, sitting on the toilet) was TORTURE. I don't remember ever being that sore. Kinda nice to get on the painkillers for the teeth so that I could walk again!

So much for my new gym kick.

I also went back to that sketchy scale, played around with a funny dial on the side. Took some surveys of other scales, and I think I weigh exactly what I thought I did originally. So much for that amazing moment where I thought I was more than 10 pounds lighter than I'd been thinking. Guess I can't read a scale.

Last week of school / midterms, before the break, I nearly DIED. I had a physical Chem midterm Tuesday morning... was one of those ones where you don't know how it went. One question I'm sure I got solidly, the other one I messed around with for a while and who knows how it may have gone.

Then Thursday night, at 7, AFTER organic lab where my solvents wouldn't cooperate, I had a biochem midterm for 2 hours. I think it went amazingly. I hope. But then I had a midterm the next morning at 8, in invertebrates... and it went horribly. Then I had a midterm at 1, in Diatonic Harmony. That one got nailed. I decided that if I got 100% on the music midterm, I'm switching majors. It'd be so nice to be the best at something again.

So that was a long stretch of midterms. I was tired.

Since Valentine's got canceled this year, because of these exams (and R's, on the 14th at night), on Saturday I pounced on R and made him have a makeshift V-day with me. He didn't know it was comin, but I made a card and rented a movie and bought him candy. Pretty romantic; we watched the movie with his little brother. But even being near him for a whole day was amazing - I can't complain. I'm sure everyone thinks I see him all the time, but I really don't. It's been a stretch.

So I've got a lab midterm this week, and a chem assignment due tomorrow night. I'm kinda hopin they're just gonna fall together.

I think the pain-fog is starting to kick into my brain. Shoulda brought some drugs; I'm so tired. Just wanna go home and sleep. One more class, then I can eat and sleep and then start studying. Or wasting more time with downloaded TV shows. I made the mistake of watching Lost with R, so now I'm not allowed to watch it without him!!! Now I have to wait for HIS schedule, so find something ELSE to waste my time.

We had some sweet birthday parties last weekend, for Dan (happy 20th!) and for Matt (happy 21st!). Dan's we went to Cafe Crepe, bought some mini-kegs and played MarioKart. Matt's we went out for Mexican food, he got to wear a kickin' sombrero and get "Happy birthday Max" sung to him. Then we went bowling, us 4 regulars. It's been nice to have Matt and Kate around for "double dates."

Also nice cuz they drove me to/from the surgery on Friday!! R bought them breakfast for their trouble, but they were so supportive in their sleepy faces. I tried not to think about the fact that they were downstairs having an amazing White Spot breakfast.

I'm really craving an ipod recently; getting mixed signals to just "Go for it, treat yourself," especially cuz I found out my parents ARE gonna pay for the part of the surgery that wasn't covered by the plan. But then I'm getting input to wait, save, (this is my own brain), and maybe buy an ibook (this is my desire, but R's idea... I don't really NEED a laptop but I'd sure LIKE one).

So sleepy. Can't think of anything else. There was more, but I'm tired. Hope everyone's Mondays are startin off fantastically. Wish me luck studying with no motivation. Or EATING!! I want a white spot burger, or McDonald's french fries, or sushi!! Sushi SO BADLY I want it.

If I get really motivated I may start writing up my organic lab; I got to separate, purify, and identify two compounds. I don't have the melting points yet, but other than the identification I could write everything up early for next week. Yet what are the chances I'm going to do anything early?

Sepia

Yesterday in my invertebrate lab, I dissected a squid. We did the same dissection in high school, so it was familiar. The lab director brought tempura batter and a pan with oil, and everyone took the mantle of their squid, skinned it, and brought it to her to cook. So at the end of lab we got to eat them... mmmmm!!

But the point of this post is something fascinating I learned. Most people are aware that a squid or an octopus (and many of their relatives) have ink sacs, that they may shoot out to confuse predators. Back in the day, the ink of the cuttlefish was the first ink to be used regularly with the quill pens. This ink dried to a reddish-brown colour, and since the Greek word for cuttlefish is "Sepia," this gradually became associated with the colour of the dried ink. Isn't that fascinating?? So all of you photographers out there, every time you try to revive an old "sepia-toned" photograph, or you adjust your own picture to that "colour," remember the amazing cuttlefish and it's place in history.

Last week I dissected a snail regularly eaten as escargot... a French delicacy. I learned some interesting details about snails and their hermaphroditic/homosexual copulation... if anyone would like me to share these fascinating details, you can definitely ask in a comment. Otherwise, look it up. I don't want to shock anyone with the details without warning them first :)

Just kidding - it's only snails. People should be able to deal with it.

Put it to rest

Don't you hate when someone brings something up that you thought was long over with? I think an issue has been finally buried, and dealt with a million times, and somehow there's another layer of depth in this other person's brain. Hello! Don't fabricate something that isn't there!! The issue is finished, over, and there is nothing more that needs to be done. It has been finalized too many times to count.

Yarr.

Also, it's almost my birthday! I'm going to be legal in the states... wonderful, since I visit the states so often.

My old band is playing a reunion show this week, but I can't be there. Sucky; it's on a thursday night, but I have an organic lab until 5 that evening. Labs are not skippable - and even if they were, there's not really any way for me to get back up here for Friday morning. So I'm missing out on the music-making. And feeling left out. Also I just really miss playing that music.

I'm also feeling bored; I don't have enough to do. R has 7 classes (smart thinkin, buddy), with 5 labs integrated in there. He has homework constantly, poor dude. I'm trying to make as positive an environment as possible for him to work... but that usually discludes me. And I only have 4.5 classes, so I am not swimming in stress as I usually am. I've been watching House... but that's going to run out, eventually. I'm just looking forward to the time a few weeks from now when I'm stressing about midterms and actually motivated to do studying other than the few menial assignments. Assignments motivate me to work, "Study this for next month" does not motivate me at all. When midterms are approaching, I'll have the motivation to sit for hours and do practice problems and study concepts and memorize equation derivations.

This is the first semester I've had in a while that I've actually had any math to do, at all. Last semester I had no math whatsoever - organic chemistry, cell biology, and natural disasters didn't have any quantitative problems. It's nice for a change to have physical chem and biochem with actual numbers, where answers are right or wrong. I missed that! It's been weird to need a calculator again. I had to buy a specific one from the bookstore (wow, UBC gets your money through everything). Unit conversions, and anal assignment-writing, where I get all my numbers all nice and even.... yesssss. I am a geek.

Gonna get moving to biochem soon. I had a nice chill Monday morning... class at 8 only for an hour. Got home, showered, had a quiet time, cleaned up the unit a bit. Lunch. Diatonic Harmony class (YES! Music!) at 1, an hour break until my next class (Intro to Biochem) at 3. I have so many nice spaces, it's unreal. And now that I live so close, I can go home and sleep again, if I want, or get my assignments done for the later classes. I always have at least 4 hours of break between my first and 2nd classes. Unreal.

Peace out.

From the new place

It has been really really cold. I watched this one pigeon for like 10 minutes and he didn't pop his head out of his warm cocoon the entire time. We're really used to putting on gloves/toques/scarves, and there's ice everywhere. Even the snow isn't melting.


I've used R's camera a bit, since mine's gone. My family got a beautiful point-and-shoot for Christmas. It was really cheap - a really good deal for 6 mp.

I'm watching House right now. I like this show. I like it a lot. And, I can watch it while I type because of my beautiful new monitor. R got it for me for Christmas, and it's widescreen. I am very spoiled.

And two days ago R bought himself a laptop. His Dell was at the end of its lifetime, and this toshiba is wonderful. It boots up in less than 45 minutes - a luxury. It's also widescreen. He was thinking about getting a mac (or, I was thinking he should get one) , but a PC is going to be better for him and his needs. So he's really happy.

So I'm on campus! I got a place with three girls in a condo-style housing unit. I'm really happy. It's warm here, and my internet works perfectly - both through the wall and wirelessly. This proves that it was not my PC sucking at my last place, it was definitely because they bought a cheap router. Cheap Asians (if I may be so racist). It's also cheaper to live here.

And it's amazing how much time I save not traveling. I've only had to take the bus a couple times, for shopping. I have a class at 8 a.m. every day, but after that hour or hour and a half, I have at least a 4-hour break. It's amazingly efficient to come home, do some cleaning, and get crap done. That just doesn't happen when I'm stuck at school, with a limited number of books, and a limited number of places to go.

I passed organic chemistry! That in itself is a triumph. Best C+ of my life. Only C+ ever, but also the best. I'm taking the lab for it this semester, but it should be much easier.

There are so many beautiful baby pictures around on all your blogs, people - they are beautiful but they kick my ovaries into overdrive. Do me a favour and keep the pictures down until I grow up and it's somewhat reasonable to have a kid. Maybe I'll live in my own baby-less world and try and forget they exist until I know it's not a ridiculous idea. Course I might as well go blind. :o)

Been feeling a little on the failing side about some things. I feel like I've been a Christian for so long, and there are some things I should have figured out by now and be somewhat consistent on. Like, when I feel like a failure over little things, I should have a solid enough foundation in knowing my identity and status in him, that I should be able to pick up where I left off. Persistence. Since when did I lose my stubborn will? I'm so frustrated that I give up so easily and let such little things keep me from coming back right away. It's 'cause I keep feeling so unworthy to return when I failed on something so controllable. But as R reminds me, when I start "feeling worthy," I cross the line into self-righteousness. And I know that. Which is why my knowledge should kick in - of course I'm not worthy, but that's the beauty of it. Why can't I embrace that beauty?

Working on it. I think he's telling me (actually, reminding me, since it doesn't get through my thick head) that it's not my job to struggle. I take it upon myself and just struggle away, but I need to leave it up to him.

Tired and Discouraged

(To a friend in an e-mail):

Interesting development, lately - E got back from her 9 months away, I don't know if you remember. Came back in like August. But September sometime she sent me an e-mail saying she was sorry for everything and she missed my friendship, and would I forgive her for ditching us like that. I haven't seen her any more than usual, but it's been kinda weird cuz she's very purposefully friendly and initiating conversation and contact and stuff.

I still don't get to see hardly any of you from "the hometown" ever, except J cuz he comes to school here, but it's sure nice to know that I was missed. It's kinda hard for me, because I felt so like, betrayed last time, like worthless cuz she could so easily dump our friendship. But I figure I've done dumb things so of course I can forgive her, it just may take a little bit of time to completely open up. Haha, that sounds so sappy, but you know, "once wounded" it's not as easy. Again with the sounding retarded, but you know what I mean.

I'd love to have a bake-off; yes when we have time. Everything extra seems kinda impossible right now, eh? When I'm back in town, even would be best, but that's tough cuz my last exam's on the 19th and right around Christmas things get SO BUSY, for everyone.

How are your weekends doing? I may be coming back saturday afternoon; maybe we could hook up at night? Sunday is a birthday party for R's grandpa that I'm prolly going to. and then I'm back home for schoolwork.

Man, I'm SO DISCOURAGED about school; my grades are SUCKING. My tough chem course? I thought I failed the midterm, but I didn't... 55%, baby. And the craziest thing is, I was SO HAPPY with 55%. [My buddy from high school] got 38%... and he's a smart cookie. But we knew we weren't prepared, and I had an extra half-day to study that he didn't. And only one other course (Bio, thank goodness) is on track for an A, the others are barely B's. Which are not bad, but they're BARELY B's... and one is sociology, which is supposed to be EASY!! I guess I'm just not an arts student. so out of 5 courses, one is barely passing and 3 are not where I feel like they should be, in terms of how easy it feels... It sucks cuz all my good grades were in my first 2 years, and I counted on those keeping up my GPA once the courses got harder. But now I don't have that buffer region, so all my grades here are going to come from my hard courses.
Eek.

R and I had a big massive fight last weekend; just like a big buildup. Kinda the thing where we're both building up resentment about things and then it explodes? I've always tried to not build things up silently, because I feel so sorry for guys when their girlfriend is suddenly mad and they have no idea why. So I've always tried to make sure R knows what I think/feel about things... but then I get into this nagging habit that I kinda notice, but it feels justified cuz he's not living up to my expectations. Which happens, because he's busy and tired as well. And the more I nag, the more he resents that and gets less motivated to fix anything. So I realize I'm nagging, and I stop, but then I let everything build up and get really upset one day, and then he gets upset, and it's just a big mess. It's hard when you're both stressed, to keep finding the fun in each other and the quality core of what you have. I think we're getting better and better at not demanding too much of the other person; I always want him to take me on dates but I'm realizing that he likes it if I take HIM on dates too. Or I have to realize that sometimes dates will be few and far between... which kinda sucks. As a girl, we all want to be taken out in public - like to show that he WANTS to take us out in public, right? But he's more of a quieter guy - if he has been out with friends already a lot in the week, he wants to just sit at home with me. But I want to go out, because to me it doesn't feel draining to go out when it's just us.

Anyway, since you really wanted to hear about all that...

Love you dear, keep in touch. Let me know about how your weekends are playing out lately. Also, any idea what I can write about for a pretty informal sociology paper? I'm supposed to take a situation in my life and analyze it, in terms of roles and identities and typification and ALL those fun concepts. I get a mental block as soon as I know I'm supposed to pick one... any little normal one will work fine but now I can't think of any.

Too late to do homework

Hey so since I have so much spare time. I want to get this up and running. Just 10 minutes every day, I tell myself.

And honestly, I feel so busy, but I do have a decent amount of time. My class schedule seems so slack... but then I go around getting GREAT marks in organic chemistry (sarcasm! I barely passed the midterm, but then over 300 people failed, so it's saying something). And I see all of these things coming up next week... like a paper for bio, and some chem homework due, and a linguistics assignment... but right now it's too early to go to sleep but too late to start something new. Once you finish one thing, it's so much work to get the next one out.

So I finally enabled the title function on this blogger thing, so I can have titles. And I changed the layout (probably temporarily, again) just so that I can see across a decent breadth of the page. Let's throw in a recent picture, for everyone's interest. Let's see...

My sister came to visit this weekend (finally)! I've been hoping to get her up to visit sometime, but now that she has a job it's been harder. Plus, I go to my hometown pretty much every weekend. So we had a great time - watched a movie, tickle-fought all night, went shopping the next day... no homework.

And we visited R at school, and went to ... dun dun dun... the infamous Wreck Beach. R went first to make sure there wasn't anyone out there that could blind us... but it was a windy day so we were alone. The view was beautiful. We saw a bunch of seals. I took lots of pictures, randomly; R has no idea this was taken of him. It's a really nice beach. No fair the nudists get it.

So I'm kinda tired... but not tired enough to sleep. Tomorrow is a long day, and I'm going trick-or-eating at night. That's where we accept canned foods for charity, instead of candy.It's Halloween, but I really don't care. Lots of crazy people dress up on Granville; it's totally fun to see. R and I went out with his roommate Saturday night, and I felt out of place without a costume. So last-minute thinking (not my own thoughts) produced the idea of the lumberjack. Thanks to R, and his boots, gloves, lumberjack coat, and hard hat, it could go off pretty well. And I'll be super warm.

I'm going to make a between-classes trip to a dollar store and a secondhand store, to look for suspenders and/or a plastic wood-cutting device. Just so I don't have to keep telling people what I am.

R is going to the Canucks game. We are also hopefully going on a date this Friday, if all goes well. That's worth putting on the calendar.

Peace