Friday, March 02, 2007

Little bits

Aeolidiella cf. drusilla

Yeah, so I seriously just spent like an hour looking for this picture. Nudibranchs (sea slugs) are the absolute most beautiful animals in the world and I was inspired by a slideshow in class this morning to share this one with you. It's not the most colourful, but it is the one that looks most like the one I found at our friend's cabin on the sunshine coast. Obviously it's not the same species, since this one is native to New Zealand... but I looked through a gazillion lists. This morning my prof showed one in class that looked exactly like the one I found, and the habitat fit, but I didn't write down the name! All I could remember was that it started with an A. So I clicked on a billion links and this one LOOKS closest, so I'm sure none of you care that it's not exactly the one I found. That's ok. I'll post more pictures of more beautiful, tropical ones later.

So I am bummed out. My grades are sucking. I had so much to write but I feel like not bothering anymore.

The other day I went my first full day since the surgery without a nap - then went to bed at 10:00. But far from sleeping well, I tossed and turned all night. Woke up like 6 times with numb limbs. And I kept having these weird dreams... and in my half-awake state I convinced myself that I, the amazing writer of prose, could turn these weird dreams into something significant and philosophical. You know, like those "deep" stories we'd read in high school that were all symbolic. I half awoke, and analyzed the meanings of my dreams, planning to finally do something useful and write them down. Of course, as day really dawned, I realized they were all gibberish, and there was nothing to glean from any point in the dream. It was something about like, a change room attendant bringing my sister and I clothes to try on... and she was treating us nicely because she missed her own sister.... like I said. I can't believe I pulled a fast one on myself thinking I may have had something to say ... ! Even if I had the technical training.

Hahaha, none of that makes any sense.

I felt the worst probably yesterday that I did since the surgery. Drugs making me dizzy so I'm pretty much done them. My face got suddenly swollen and I got a sudden insecurity fix. I barely see R, and I'm lonely. I've only really not spent time with him for a week, but I got this sudden complex about my belly growing fatter over the week span. Amazing how a week of crappiness can change your secure feeling. I haven't really felt insecure about us as a couple for a long time... but combined with feeling like I'm gaining weight, and failing classes (my grades SUCK and I'm bummed because it's one of those times when I feel like I actually should be doing better... but I'm not. So I don't even know what I don't know), and being on drugs. And not seeing R.

So tonight we're goin with matt and katie out for sushi. All-you-can-eat. Which doesn't help my weight feeling :) But it SURE helps the "I miss sushi" feeling. Particularly I miss sunomono salad. And hopefully the "I miss R" feeling, because he is NOT allowed to touch his books for at least THREE HOURS STRAIGHT tonight. I seriously haven't seen him all week and it sucks. Sucks a lot. So I have to milk it over the weekend and save up for another week without him. I'm so lonely. I even miss my parents this week; don't get me wrong - my parents are great. But I really enjoy my space from them. Just this week I saw some tv with a dad on it that reminded me of my own dad... how he used to be. I miss how my dad used to be. We don't have the relationship we used to - I used to feel like a daddy's girl, but now he feels fake every time he talks to me.

Wow, I just got an e-mail from my mom. Interesting. Signing off; I'm going to try and get an assignment done and then I'm going to make TUNA BAGEL MELTS for lunch!! I'm SO EXCITED about solid foods and I LOVE food. Feels like it's the only thing that I really look forward to lately - either looking forward to class being over, or to the weekend starting, or to my next meal. I wish I liked school again.

1 comment:

Devan said...

hey there! It was good to hang out the other day for lunch with you and R! You guys rock! I hope we have the blessed opportunity to do it again!
All the best for the rest of the semester!