Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I'm going to try and get home today

Do you ever have one of those moments when you almost forget where you are? You see something or someone that reminds you of a different time and place, and you have to give your head a shake to come to grips with what's around you. I passed by a stand of trees today on campus that were not particularly eye-catching. There are many pretty trees here, and the snow is garnishing everything frostily. It adds a nice spice to the uncommon wintry scene. But these trees I passed were tall cedars, and they were clustered close together with the snow in drifts between them. The way they were close, and the way their branches were loaded and white, brought back a massively vivid picture of northern BC, where I was born. I don't have many memories from my small hometown, but today I saw a piece of that town on my campus. It was as if I turned a corner and stepped into an entirely different time. Everything was white and still and silent. Until I blinked.

Things are pretty icy, and I have my core group tonight (Bible study). I have to go because we're doing a secret Santa exchange, but I want to get home tonight - been stuck on campus for too long without my camera. So it looks like I'll be braving the icy bus routes later, in the dark. I would have wanted to go earlier, but c'est la vie. I guess if things are too bad or snowy I can stay another night. School's wrapping up slowly but surely. I can't wait to be done.

When I have my camera, look out! Pictures will be posted. There are so many beautiful streets and trees - Langley gets like this sometimes, but never Vancouver. It's been a good ten years since I remember more than an inch or two.


I haven't had a snow day I've remembered in forever. I love that the lower mainland gets immobilized by a hint of snow. Well, it wasn't a hint everywhere... but Vancouver wasn't hit too hard. Most schools were open - the only reason we closed was because we had a power outage. I came to campus Sunday night, figuring that if things did keep getting worse, I'd rather get snowed in on campus than at my place. Buses are ridiculous; most routes are closed since parts of the main roads have been closed. There is one point that buses will venture to campus, and that is at the northern gates, a very very very long walk from anywhere. Also the opposite side of campus from my house.

So I'm stuck here; we had an in day. There were many people playing trivial pursuit, as their papers were all on computers and, being electricity-dependent students, there weren't many of us that had any work we COULD do. I did, so I worked a bit on O-chem. It was a little cold, but we had blankets and the power came on around 3 in the afternoon. Then we had coffee and enjoyed our day off.

I only missed one class, but there was a quiz. So ... I would much rather miss a day like tomorrow, when I have almost all of my classes. My only chance is if somehow the snow melts a bit, and then freezes with the forecasted temperatures. It's supposed to be very cold, so as much as I want to wish everyone in the lower mainland safety, I hope that the entire translink system is shut down. That is the only way my stingy school will cancel classes, unless we lose power again. Of course, it's probably bad to want to miss my classes tomorrow... we only have a week left and they're not easy. But I can't help it. It's Christmas time, and I want to enjoy some snow and relax with a holiday smile. Forget school. It's all about the love.

The view from our friend's building on the 15th floor of the tower.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

I'm running out of coffee beans

So I was totally gonna cheat, honestly... I was going to write like three posts and date and time them as to when I originally wanted to write about them. But I can't do it; and by now those events have passed so much that I probably only have a sentence each about everything.

I got poisoned by the water last week. I woke up Thursday morning after a crappy, stomachache-y night, and I puked up anything I might have eaten (I had drunk/drank/drinked much water to try and calm my unsettled stomach, figuring that water was one thing my body couldn't rebel against). I still had to get to my 8 am class to hand in an assignment, but then I went home and slept all day. And then I woke up and heard about the warning. R had told me, as any good caretaker or mother would say, "Drink lots of water/fluids, and sleep." So he found out about this water warning and panicked, figuring he had helped me to poison myself even further. But really I didnt even listen to that part of his advice; I just slept. It was a nice sleep, but not a lot of homework got done that day.

Then the next night, I went out with the girls from my CORE and watched PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!! Yaaah the old version with the wonderful Colin Firth. Unfortunately, it was 5 hours, a fact that I had forgotten. Me in my weakened no-solid-food-yet state, had trouble stayin awake. But I managed because of the amazing Austen plot and the Firth face.

This week there's a Christmas banquet that R has graciously agreed to attend with me; even though it is semi-formal. Yesss!! A reason to wear a dress and finally look girly for once, in between the sweat pants and the no makeup ever and the glasses every day. I'm proud of him for going to hang out with a bunch of girls he doesn't know. He always surprises me, pleasantly, cuz I asked with no hope whatsoever. I tend to underestimate his desire to be with me, which is AWESOME. I have the best boyfriend ever. Things are looking up very much.

And! Probably the best part of my week... yesterday a friend took me to a specialty bra store in Van that has real sizes of bras for real people. I have this problem, that I need a decent-sized cup but they don't supply it very often in a band size small enough for me... a 32, to be exact. And I went to a place to get fitted, and I got fitted well - with a $115 item. I can't spend that on a bra that I wear under my shirt, even if my shirts look better because of it.
So my friend with the same issue found this place where they're nice and cheaper, but still quality. And now I have an amazing proper fit - you have no idea. No times during the day where I have to pull anything up or push anything back in, and it just holds me up nicer, even making them look smaller and making me look thinner and my back doesn't hurt so bad and I even found out that in the summer they carry swimsuits and then maybe I can get a halter top that won't kill my neck or even just something that I can wear half-modestly that actually looks not like a granny bathing suit and I love run-on sentences and I'm sorry for the very personal nature of this paragraph but you have NO IDEA how much happier I am! Unless of course you have the same problem, in which case I would recommend this store - couldn't find it on the net, so you won't have any luck either unless you have a lot more googling skill than I do. It's called Change, and it is a tiny place on W Broadway at Macdonald, and it's the only place I've found that has many styles that pair E or F cups with band sizes smaller than 38 or 40 inches. I'm not huge around; my ribcage is actually small. Which encourages me, in the middle of winter when all I've been doing is eating. I feel much more confident. And more pain-free and less like I'm gonna get caught in the act of pulling up my bra in a very unladylike way.

And now I have something proper to wear under the dress for the banquet. Yessss.

Gotta run; I'm at home after my dad's jazz band played a coffeeshop concert for their cd release party tonight. Now my sister and her friend have arrived and I want to see her and chat. So later.

**Added later: At least because of my sickness I got out of my regular coffee-every-morning rut. And now I don't get headaches later in the day if I haven't had a coffee in the morning. So I'm going to try and keep the morning coffees down... only for treats. Especially because they prolly make me fatter. This will also be good because I'm runnin out of the beans I won. And I'm too cheap to buy good ones like the ones I'm used to now**

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Date at Dennys

So things are picking up. In that one particular area anyway... amazing how that improves my attitude in regards to grades and such as well. We went to Denny's tonight, after deciding no more fighting... and he was being really sweet and trying to join me in things I like and not only what he likes. So I'll take it while I can, and my resentment is ebbing away.

Had a speaker at church today say something interesting. He was quoting a famous musician, that said, "If I don't practice for one day... I know it. If I don't practice for three days... my critics know it. If I don't practice for a week... everybody knows it!" The pastor related this to our walk with Christ. I'm sure others can tell when we don't take a day, or three, or seven, to sit at His feet and rest a bit. Guilty as charged.

Got a full day tomorrow. I hate group projects, and I dislike organic chemistry... and unfortunately those are both very involved in my day tomorrow. But I will take it with steel in my backbone.

Thanks for the prayers! So surprising to have not spammers in the comments. Some funny pictures I found today:

Friday, November 10, 2006

Still Fighting

Apparently things didn't get fixed up like I thought they were getting. I'm not quite sure how it always manages to be my fault. Life sucks.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tired and Discouraged

(To a friend in an e-mail):

Interesting development, lately - E got back from her 9 months away, I don't know if you remember. Came back in like August. But September sometime she sent me an e-mail saying she was sorry for everything and she missed my friendship, and would I forgive her for ditching us like that. I haven't seen her any more than usual, but it's been kinda weird cuz she's very purposefully friendly and initiating conversation and contact and stuff.

I still don't get to see hardly any of you from "the hometown" ever, except J cuz he comes to school here, but it's sure nice to know that I was missed. It's kinda hard for me, because I felt so like, betrayed last time, like worthless cuz she could so easily dump our friendship. But I figure I've done dumb things so of course I can forgive her, it just may take a little bit of time to completely open up. Haha, that sounds so sappy, but you know, "once wounded" it's not as easy. Again with the sounding retarded, but you know what I mean.

I'd love to have a bake-off; yes when we have time. Everything extra seems kinda impossible right now, eh? When I'm back in town, even would be best, but that's tough cuz my last exam's on the 19th and right around Christmas things get SO BUSY, for everyone.

How are your weekends doing? I may be coming back saturday afternoon; maybe we could hook up at night? Sunday is a birthday party for R's grandpa that I'm prolly going to. and then I'm back home for schoolwork.

Man, I'm SO DISCOURAGED about school; my grades are SUCKING. My tough chem course? I thought I failed the midterm, but I didn't... 55%, baby. And the craziest thing is, I was SO HAPPY with 55%. [My buddy from high school] got 38%... and he's a smart cookie. But we knew we weren't prepared, and I had an extra half-day to study that he didn't. And only one other course (Bio, thank goodness) is on track for an A, the others are barely B's. Which are not bad, but they're BARELY B's... and one is sociology, which is supposed to be EASY!! I guess I'm just not an arts student. so out of 5 courses, one is barely passing and 3 are not where I feel like they should be, in terms of how easy it feels... It sucks cuz all my good grades were in my first 2 years, and I counted on those keeping up my GPA once the courses got harder. But now I don't have that buffer region, so all my grades here are going to come from my hard courses.

R and I had a big massive fight last weekend; just like a big buildup. Kinda the thing where we're both building up resentment about things and then it explodes? I've always tried to not build things up silently, because I feel so sorry for guys when their girlfriend is suddenly mad and they have no idea why. So I've always tried to make sure R knows what I think/feel about things... but then I get into this nagging habit that I kinda notice, but it feels justified cuz he's not living up to my expectations. Which happens, because he's busy and tired as well. And the more I nag, the more he resents that and gets less motivated to fix anything. So I realize I'm nagging, and I stop, but then I let everything build up and get really upset one day, and then he gets upset, and it's just a big mess. It's hard when you're both stressed, to keep finding the fun in each other and the quality core of what you have. I think we're getting better and better at not demanding too much of the other person; I always want him to take me on dates but I'm realizing that he likes it if I take HIM on dates too. Or I have to realize that sometimes dates will be few and far between... which kinda sucks. As a girl, we all want to be taken out in public - like to show that he WANTS to take us out in public, right? But he's more of a quieter guy - if he has been out with friends already a lot in the week, he wants to just sit at home with me. But I want to go out, because to me it doesn't feel draining to go out when it's just us.

Anyway, since you really wanted to hear about all that...

Love you dear, keep in touch. Let me know about how your weekends are playing out lately. Also, any idea what I can write about for a pretty informal sociology paper? I'm supposed to take a situation in my life and analyze it, in terms of roles and identities and typification and ALL those fun concepts. I get a mental block as soon as I know I'm supposed to pick one... any little normal one will work fine but now I can't think of any.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Illegal entry

I'm in R's wood building, in the computer lab. I'm totally not allowed to be in here, because I am NOT a wood products processing student. But that is a-ok.

I sat at home almost all day today. It was wonderful. My sleep-in morning of the week.

EXCEPT for the 8 am wrong number phone call. I HATE everybody that phones me looking for "Ayla." It's a new phone, for crying out loud! I was so polite at first but now I just hang up. I even get messages for her... I mean hello, my answering machine message says my name in it. It may sound like many things, but it does not sound like Ayla. I am not Ayla.

*sigh*. Takes up my minutes, which are better spent elsewhere.

Wrote an online quiz, and it crashed, and my benevolent instructor allowed me to write another one. So I had to come to campus. Hence the illegal computer lab.

I have nothing really of interest to write about. I went trick-or-eating last night, and I dressed up as a lumberjack. I had a beard. It was pretty sweet, and apparently convincing. I wore work boots that were 7 sizes too big for me, which was also fun. I love clomping around in big shoes; it's an excuse to make noise and have people laugh at you. Excellent.

Good luck to the NaBloPoMo'ers out there. Nov. 1... only 29 days left to go.