Another book... and excitement about leaving.

Just finished The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, by Mordecai Richler. I've heard of the author, and he was regaled on the back of the cover as a comedy writer, but the story was sad. One of those ones where the main character doesn't realize how he's been driven by ambition and twisted his life to disclude what's important. Always makes me look at my own life and double-check. I don't feel like I'm living with as much joy and excitement as I could be, and am always always open to more peace.

Speaking of excitement!! I'm getting excited about school!! All my classes are set this semester except for one now (the main one I need... but I simply must get in so I won't worry about it). I'm gonna be living on my own. I'll miss Karissa, and I'm sure I'll probably miss my whole house - but honestly, I don't really eat at home much at all anymore. That would be the main thing I'd miss, and it's non-consequential if the last year has been any indication. Lol, how awful! Mainly missing food. Just kidding. But seriously.

I'm going to be so near Rich, too. Yaaaaaay. I would have died if he had gone without me all the way to Vancouver!! Even this week and next he has no vehicle (not re-insuring) and I'm the one driving. I'd be hooped if I was here and had to drive to see him in Vancouver.

Book review

Continuing on the sad kick, I just finished Requiem for a Dream, by Hubert Selby Jr. It was a very good book; one of those ones that is well-written but kind of artsy in a unique way. In this case, all the dialogue was written in a continuous stream, with only the characters' verbal inflections to identify the speaker. It was really weird.

I had heard the movie was good, so I figured the book must be better... and I'm sure it was. But now I don't need/want to see the movie. Addiction is a powerful enemy, and the author skillfully pulled together several elements to show that substance abuse is not the only kind of addiction. Obviously we all know that already, but it's neat to read. Sad story though.

Moving out! Big changes.

So it's settled. I'm moving to the big city and going to school on a massive campus that's basically a city of its own. I'm living with two boys I don't know and I have no car - only public transport. My classes aren't settled and I'm apprehensive about being all by myself without any method of emergency transport, but at the same time...
... boy I can't WAIT to leave home!

It's going to be an adventure for sure. Time to try something new. As much as school is a lot of work... it will be completely different. SO much space. Wow I love space.

And I was asked to co-lead a worship team at R's church. I think I'm going to do it even though I'm basically out of town all the time. It'll be, like, every 3rd week... gotta pray about it a bunch though.

Got word yesterday that our band's days are over. Being as we haven't played in forever it's not really a shock... it's sad, though. Or at least, to know that there won't EVER be a Tuesday Evening again, exactly. Maybe we'll play for something, but it won't ever be understood that we're "a band" again. Maybe it's God's timing; I don't know. People have drifted apart anyway. Kinda feels like we got defeated, though.

Honestly... work is boring.

I lost my new stapler. It was really disappointing, and completely my own fault. I had to file some papers by my supervisor's desk, and since he never has a stapler around, I brought my own to staple the papers over there. Unfortunately I forgot it there. A couple of hours later I returned to get it, and it had migrated to the inner parts of his desk. His old stapler, now rejected, sat at the edge of the desk. He knew mine was better, and he took it.

So my new one is not bad - definitely in working order, not like the first one I had. But still ... I miss the smoothness of my amazing stapler. I will always remember it. I should've taken a picture so I could make a personal memorial.

In other news, I went to that ladies night at R's church. Lots of ladies I don't really know (or actually know at all), but two did show up that I had known pretty well at my previous church. I had played on a worship team with one of the ladies over the years, and lo and behold! she was on the team for Sunday (yesterday). On my current kick of looking for ways to get involved, I jumped right in and played with them for the morning services.

And it was so good. I missed doing that so much - it's such a way for me to connect with God, even, and I hope and pray that I can help at all to draw the congregation into his presence, because it's AMAZING. If anyone feels half of what I feel when I'm up there worshipping, then God uses us. I have personally discovered that God doesn't necessarily ensure that we FEEL his presence all the time... that we have to just remember that he's nearby and sometimes he give us a dry phase... but BOY is it a relief when he pours it over you after one of those dry spells. Really makes me appreciate what I have in my saviour. That's probably why he does it, too - if I start taking him for granted he reminds me why I can't possibly continue that way.

Played with another lady who's a wonderful musician. She has been on some of Brian Doerkson's recordings, and I had heard of her before I found out she went to the same church as I did. At the end of the 2nd service the church was doing a "house of prayer" experiment, playing some worship songs and allowing people to remain in silent prayer. The other lady went to the keyboard spontaneously, and I was playing the grand (an amazing piano - gosh I want a grand at home!). We got carried away, way beyond any music in front of us. We just transitioned between old songs for a long time; she would think of one, and then I would - all the while just playing. We have similar playing styles. Man, I love God's presence.

So, that was a good experience. I met the interim pastor now, and I'm sure I'll meet more people as a result, even though the church was empty this week. The youth were all away at Creation (lucky sister I have!). Probably doing it again Aug. 27.

R's family wasn't there, because they had a baseball tournament. Sweetie pie R missed one of the games and came to see me :D We went after church to the last game and his team one first in the entire tournament. Probably because his whole family was playing, of course... Could've been just as well that his family wasn't there, though. All I hear from them about the musicians is criticism and making fun... not his mom so much, but the rest of them. R too, though he'd never do that about me.

His grandparents were there, though - and they came to the 2nd service - the "young" service. Wonder if I was a little too liberal for their taste. Ahh well, that's not what it's about, right?

Still hating UBC for the hassles I'm going through. Job's going well, the food I had for lunch today was so good. Mom made a stew yesterday in the crock pot. Thank goodness for the occasional home-cooked meal!

Also went to a wedding shower for a friend of mine (2 weeks away!). It was a lingerie shower... very risque. Very fun, too. Those are some good girls.

Gotta get off my lunch. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. It was a long weekend - worship practice saturday morning for 3 hours, wedding shower, then R's grandma's birthday get-together. Many relatives, very fun and relaxing. Sunday was up early for church, then baseball, then we lay around R's house with the fam.

God stuff is on the up-side.

Lonely at church

Honestly... it's really hard to not belong to a church. Seeing as I was at my last one for 12 years, it's understandable that it'd be difficult to move away from that. I didn't realize how much of my identity and security came from being involved in that type of community. I guess the new situation can show me both the importance of the community dependence, and yet the weakness of not being strong enough without it.

I've been going to R's church - his family is there, and he likes it. The people that I've talked to all seem nice. But it's really clique-y. I have to forcefully introduce myself to nearly everybody, and when R does powerpoint, I sit by myself. It's so lonely to sit by yourself at church. And I can't believe it's been continuing this way for so long with no improvement. Though it's what I'd expect. I haven't really decided if I want to make it my church home, so I haven't thrown myself in whole-heartedly. I feel like I shouldn't commit myself and get involved until I know I'm committed to the church itself.

But i think I'm going to jump in. So far it is looking as though that's where I'm gonna be; R would go look with me if I wanted him to - to find a place for both of us - but I haven't even really enjoyed anywhere else I went. So maybe if I stick it out and DO get involved, I'll get to know the people better and the church as a whole will start feeling more like home. I already know the people are super nice, I just have to tap into that.

We'll see.

Thief

I have a confession to make. This week, I became the dreaded person at the office... the stapler-stealer.

Now let me explain. I have my own stapler to begin with, as does everyone else in the office at their individual desks. However, my stapler was "the crappy one." You know the type.

There is one communal stapler by the fax machine, that works amazingly well. Smooth, consistent stapling - gliding downward with a satisfying 'pop' instead of 'clank.' So... last week... I made the switch.

I didn't think anybody really noticed; if they did, they didn't mention it or come find it on my desk. It's now been 5 work days. I justify the action by remembering that everyone has a stapler already. If they REALLY want, they can take papers to their desk and staple. Not fair if they all get nice ones and I don't. But "the crappy one" will suffice for the few times it is used communally.

There was a slight scare from two days ago when the communal stapler disappeared for a day... I worried that mine would be repossessed. But I am still safe. The stapler reappeared. My new nice one, by the way, is a "rapid" stapler.

Everyone told me, before I started the job, to hide my stapler and protect it from the stapler-stealers of the office. I feel like I'm breaking every societal rule I ever learned - going against my upbringing. But the payoff is wonderful. Looks like everyone else I work with will have to watch out.

Honestly

I'll say it up front - my reason for a blog is so that I can post comments on others' blogs. See, I too have a secret. Thanks to J's wonderful blog, I now have regular pages that I like to read up on. It passes the break time at work, that's for sure. Several times I've wanted to comment to her or her hubby about somethin-or-other but they want me to be not anonymous. So here I am. Not anonymous.

I did have another blog once. Unfortunately, I followed rule #11 much too well, and as a result was forced to also follow #5, giving me no way to post comments.

And, conveniently, this week happened to have time to set one up. With the man workin nights this week I have a lot more time on my hands. I know it'll disappear in a heartbeat, but right now I have a whole 4 days stretching ahead of me with only a couple of things scheduled after work. R worked his first night shift last night; poor guy drove us all home from the Pearl Jam concert Saturday night at the Gorge (Amazing concert!), and we got home at 4:30. The reason we had to drive all the way in the one night was that he had to be at his church to do powerpoint... at 8 am. And then work Sunday night. That kinda sucked, he wasn't looking forward to it.

But, true to form - just as I expected, I might add - he had a great rockin' time with the city workers. They went to the beach, and painted 64th Ave. In such a good mood that he called me this mornin as I woke up and asked me if I wanted to meet him for coffee before work :D Aww, what a sweetie... it's nice to have someone like to be with me as much as I like being with him. So much so that a whole night is VERY VERY long to be apart.

The concert was awesome... though they recorded the daytime temperature in the Gorge at 116 degrees. R and I being geeks that we are, calculated on the phone that it was FORTY-SEVEN degrees celsius. That's why it was so hot. I nearly died. Getting out of the car immobilized me, literally.

So there it is, folks. Don't bother to link to me; I'm sure I won't be keeping it updated at all. Maybe occasionally. At this point my poor home computer doesn't want to be turned on in the daytime (due to the afore-mentioned heat wave). It makes this massive hum that rises in pitch until I'm so scared it'll explode that I turn it off. I usually have about enough time to check one e-mail address... and then I don't turn it on until later at night. Work, however, is very well air-conditioned . . . :D