Lonely at church

Honestly... it's really hard to not belong to a church. Seeing as I was at my last one for 12 years, it's understandable that it'd be difficult to move away from that. I didn't realize how much of my identity and security came from being involved in that type of community. I guess the new situation can show me both the importance of the community dependence, and yet the weakness of not being strong enough without it.

I've been going to R's church - his family is there, and he likes it. The people that I've talked to all seem nice. But it's really clique-y. I have to forcefully introduce myself to nearly everybody, and when R does powerpoint, I sit by myself. It's so lonely to sit by yourself at church. And I can't believe it's been continuing this way for so long with no improvement. Though it's what I'd expect. I haven't really decided if I want to make it my church home, so I haven't thrown myself in whole-heartedly. I feel like I shouldn't commit myself and get involved until I know I'm committed to the church itself.

But i think I'm going to jump in. So far it is looking as though that's where I'm gonna be; R would go look with me if I wanted him to - to find a place for both of us - but I haven't even really enjoyed anywhere else I went. So maybe if I stick it out and DO get involved, I'll get to know the people better and the church as a whole will start feeling more like home. I already know the people are super nice, I just have to tap into that.

We'll see.