Ramblings

The wind is super strong out here today. The sky is perfectly clear (after days of rain) because of the gusts blowing the clouds away. I can see the whitecaps in the harbour from my window - they're so distant that they appear static, with no motion. It's beautiful. And freezing.

So maybe some pictures that speak for themselves...

Restless

The wind is strong today
Makes the shadows of the trees dance
Like the broken leaves that play among them

The song is restless in my head
Haunting me
With its echoes of soul

The song reflects my surfaces as I stand straight
Turning my back to the wind
The light behind me

My flesh prickles without the warmth
Sun at my back does nothing
My face turned away

Gravity wants to bring me down

So apparently I'm in the beginning stages of tendonitis. Any length of activity with my hands - typing, guitar, piano, carrying anything - triggers a large amount of pain in my arms that continues throughout the next 2 or 3 days. Today I brought a tray of coffees for some friends in class and I had to switch hands 5 times over the 3-minute walk. I've put off getting groceries for weeks 'cause I can't possibly survive a bus ride home while carrying grocery bags.

I'm just bummed - I'm so busy, and finally my plans are coming together for my summer - and they may all be for nothing, if I can't continue in the job(s) I have. I have a job that pays the bills, and from my limited point of view, it is absolutely necessary that I control this flare-up and get my arms back to normal before the summer... because I can't afford not to work there.

Trying to remember to trust in the Lord - I know that he has the best plan for me, and just 'cause I think this job is crucial doesn't mean that he thinks so. He may want me somewhere else, and he will take care of me no matter how poor I get, or if I have to put off school for a year, or finally delve into debt. I am just disappointed; I wanted to make sure to pull my weight and contribute to my future (with R) by not having debt, and by having a well-paying job and some savings. I am discouraged.

No, I did not fall off the face of the earth!

Hello! Here's a little snippet of why I don't have much time for blogging these days:

• Full courseload of classes, plus one. This means that I have a lab every day of the week, except for Thursday, from 2 pm to 5 or 6 pm. FYI: Labs are incredibly time-consuming. Not only is there lab prep, then time spent in the lab, but there are lab writeups, and quizzes every day to prep for (usually they're the kind where we know 10 questions ahead of time and they choose 4 to test us on. So it is possible to be prepared, but the questions are hard and it's time-consuming to research all the answers the night before). Also, for one of my labs, I've been spending an average of ten extra hours/week in the lab, collecting more data for those writeups.
• Two part-time jobs. I am crazy. One is in Surrey, and one is here at UBC. One pays the bills, one pays essentially nothing but gives me field-related experience to use to find employment after graduation. It's gonna pay off in the long run.
• A (weekend) boyfriend. Poor R sees me usually Friday nights and most of Saturday... if we're lucky. I've been taking Saturdays off work so we can at least do homework together. And then that's it. Another entire week until I see him, because I usually either work Sunday mornings and boot it back here to study madly, or I see him at church, work all afternoon, then bus up Monday morning.
• Choir. This has thankfully just ended, as this weekend we performed our pieces and we have a break until the next set, in September. This gives me one more night/week to study.
• Bible study / Core group. I am co-leading this, one night/week, and I am definitely not as involved in the overall group (all of the Bible studies get together Thursday nights for a worship/speaker night) as I should be, considering that I am a leader.
• Searching for housing come April. So I had planned to move back home in the summer to save money... apparently that's not gonna work out. I'm not really welcome back home, which feels great. But maybe this is for the best; I love living in Vancouver, and to be perfectly honest, I don't like living with my parents. I've lived away for too long, and decided too many things about the way I'm going to live my life and interact with people. Having to rent all summer just puts a large limitation on the amount of money I'll be able to save for ... any important events coming up in my life... ;)
• My (brand new) computer crashed in January. So I had to send it in for repairs, and I lost essentially everything (all the photos that Rich doesn't have doubles of, all my documents/assignments/labs/tax info/resumes, etc.). I hadn't backed it up yet because the computer was only 3 months old. It was just a lemon; they replaced my hard drive for me 'cause it was just crashed and made funny noises.
• Getting my passport stuff in! I'm finally going on a holiday this summer! With R's family... NEW YORK, here I come! My first holiday in a good 3 years (I went camping for almost a week 3 summers ago). Since then I've gone straight from school to work and straight back to school, with only a single day in between to move.

And the rest time is spent either cramming for tests that I need to study for, or stressing and procrastinating about all of the studying I haven't gotten to.

For example, this week:

Tomorrow I have an oral lab report presentation

Wednesday I have to write an in-class lab report (like a test, but we bring in our pre-analyzed raw data, and references, and any figures that we want to use). This will be a challenge both in preparation and execution, as it has to be a well-thought-out discussion of our results and our predicted model of gene interaction.

Thursday is another midterm. Not a full one, technically, because for this class I have 4 "midterms..." so this will be the 3rd.

And I am just generally pooped. Emotionally I have no space - any little thing sets me off. Poor R has to deal with this shamble of a girlfriend even in the rare times he gets to see me. It was silly to take this much on, but somehow it all became necessary, and somehow I can't drop anything. Plus, I do enjoy everything I'm doing.

So speaking of studying. I already went to the lab (job lab) this morning until 9:30, then came home to study before class at 11. So I guess I'd better get on that.

Let's find a nice picture to leave you with. Here's us at Christmas: