Ramblings

The wind is super strong out here today. The sky is perfectly clear (after days of rain) because of the gusts blowing the clouds away. I can see the whitecaps in the harbour from my window - they're so distant that they appear static, with no motion. It's beautiful. And freezing.

So maybe some pictures that speak for themselves...

Restless

The wind is strong today
Makes the shadows of the trees dance
Like the broken leaves that play among them

The song is restless in my head
Haunting me
With its echoes of soul

The song reflects my surfaces as I stand straight
Turning my back to the wind
The light behind me

My flesh prickles without the warmth
Sun at my back does nothing
My face turned away

Gravity wants to bring me down

So apparently I'm in the beginning stages of tendonitis. Any length of activity with my hands - typing, guitar, piano, carrying anything - triggers a large amount of pain in my arms that continues throughout the next 2 or 3 days. Today I brought a tray of coffees for some friends in class and I had to switch hands 5 times over the 3-minute walk. I've put off getting groceries for weeks 'cause I can't possibly survive a bus ride home while carrying grocery bags.

I'm just bummed - I'm so busy, and finally my plans are coming together for my summer - and they may all be for nothing, if I can't continue in the job(s) I have. I have a job that pays the bills, and from my limited point of view, it is absolutely necessary that I control this flare-up and get my arms back to normal before the summer... because I can't afford not to work there.

Trying to remember to trust in the Lord - I know that he has the best plan for me, and just 'cause I think this job is crucial doesn't mean that he thinks so. He may want me somewhere else, and he will take care of me no matter how poor I get, or if I have to put off school for a year, or finally delve into debt. I am just disappointed; I wanted to make sure to pull my weight and contribute to my future (with R) by not having debt, and by having a well-paying job and some savings. I am discouraged.

No, I did not fall off the face of the earth!

Hello! Here's a little snippet of why I don't have much time for blogging these days:

• Full courseload of classes, plus one. This means that I have a lab every day of the week, except for Thursday, from 2 pm to 5 or 6 pm. FYI: Labs are incredibly time-consuming. Not only is there lab prep, then time spent in the lab, but there are lab writeups, and quizzes every day to prep for (usually they're the kind where we know 10 questions ahead of time and they choose 4 to test us on. So it is possible to be prepared, but the questions are hard and it's time-consuming to research all the answers the night before). Also, for one of my labs, I've been spending an average of ten extra hours/week in the lab, collecting more data for those writeups.
• Two part-time jobs. I am crazy. One is in Surrey, and one is here at UBC. One pays the bills, one pays essentially nothing but gives me field-related experience to use to find employment after graduation. It's gonna pay off in the long run.
• A (weekend) boyfriend. Poor R sees me usually Friday nights and most of Saturday... if we're lucky. I've been taking Saturdays off work so we can at least do homework together. And then that's it. Another entire week until I see him, because I usually either work Sunday mornings and boot it back here to study madly, or I see him at church, work all afternoon, then bus up Monday morning.
• Choir. This has thankfully just ended, as this weekend we performed our pieces and we have a break until the next set, in September. This gives me one more night/week to study.
• Bible study / Core group. I am co-leading this, one night/week, and I am definitely not as involved in the overall group (all of the Bible studies get together Thursday nights for a worship/speaker night) as I should be, considering that I am a leader.
• Searching for housing come April. So I had planned to move back home in the summer to save money... apparently that's not gonna work out. I'm not really welcome back home, which feels great. But maybe this is for the best; I love living in Vancouver, and to be perfectly honest, I don't like living with my parents. I've lived away for too long, and decided too many things about the way I'm going to live my life and interact with people. Having to rent all summer just puts a large limitation on the amount of money I'll be able to save for ... any important events coming up in my life... ;)
• My (brand new) computer crashed in January. So I had to send it in for repairs, and I lost essentially everything (all the photos that Rich doesn't have doubles of, all my documents/assignments/labs/tax info/resumes, etc.). I hadn't backed it up yet because the computer was only 3 months old. It was just a lemon; they replaced my hard drive for me 'cause it was just crashed and made funny noises.
• Getting my passport stuff in! I'm finally going on a holiday this summer! With R's family... NEW YORK, here I come! My first holiday in a good 3 years (I went camping for almost a week 3 summers ago). Since then I've gone straight from school to work and straight back to school, with only a single day in between to move.

And the rest time is spent either cramming for tests that I need to study for, or stressing and procrastinating about all of the studying I haven't gotten to.

For example, this week:

Tomorrow I have an oral lab report presentation

Wednesday I have to write an in-class lab report (like a test, but we bring in our pre-analyzed raw data, and references, and any figures that we want to use). This will be a challenge both in preparation and execution, as it has to be a well-thought-out discussion of our results and our predicted model of gene interaction.

Thursday is another midterm. Not a full one, technically, because for this class I have 4 "midterms..." so this will be the 3rd.

And I am just generally pooped. Emotionally I have no space - any little thing sets me off. Poor R has to deal with this shamble of a girlfriend even in the rare times he gets to see me. It was silly to take this much on, but somehow it all became necessary, and somehow I can't drop anything. Plus, I do enjoy everything I'm doing.

So speaking of studying. I already went to the lab (job lab) this morning until 9:30, then came home to study before class at 11. So I guess I'd better get on that.

Let's find a nice picture to leave you with. Here's us at Christmas:

Trying to study

ME: Come on, Tricia, just focus.

MY BRAIN: But I am SO tired.

ME: You can do it.

BRAIN: No, I really can't. I am on overload and burn-out.

ME: I know, I know. But we are almost there.

BRAIN: No we're not! You've tricked me into believing you many times in the last two weeks, but there's always another exam.

ME: This is the last exam. I promise.

BRAIN: But I know you too well... that can't be it.

ME: Well, there might be a short paper to do...

BRAIN: I knew it!!

ME: ...but then we're completely finished.

BRAIN: No, then there's packing so we can move home for the holidays, then you're going to work the day after you get there, and you have to go Christmas shopping in the 3 days before Christmas, and we're going to go to work nearly every day except Christmas day.

ME: ...um...

BRAIN: And then you're spend time with two or three parts of families, and then work more. ...

ME: ...um...

BRAIN: And then you said you might play at a church event the weekend after Christmas.

ME: ...um... yeah?

BRAIN: So aren't you asking a little too much of me?

ME: You've got it pretty easy, Brain; you should speak to back or neck or eyes... or wrists. They're all feeling a little under-the-weather from sitting at desks and staring at computer screens for two weeks.

BRAIN: Well, after you printed your cheat sheet for the last exam the same on both sides, leaving me to fend for myself on all the questions about skeletal, cardiac, or smooth muscle... I think I've performed past my requirements.

ME: But remember what the profs said about the exam tomorrow!! If we get 100% on the entire exam, they'll give us 100% in the course. Wouldn't that be amazing?

BRAIN: I don't give a **$%&#$**. Let me go to bed.

Only 2 left!

Thanks for the prayers! I am pretty sure I also passed my exam today. It was hard, though. I finished with 12 handwritten pages... the end got pretty scrawly but it was legible. My brain feels like it got run over by a truck... studying today has been pretty ineffective. Uneffective? Case in point.

My next one's Friday, then it's home for the weekend to work. Then one more exam and a paper... then I'm home free! Wow it seems like a long ways away. I also hate how grumpy I get during exam time... have to keep reminding myself that it always ends, and I always pass everything. Somehow, when I look back on the semester after it's finished, I see that I got it all done.

Rejoice with me, dear friends!

I am almost 100% positive that I did pass my biochem exam that I wrote this morning. It was not easy, and my brain was rebelling at what I crammed into it over the last 2 days, but I did remember several things. Probably enough to pass, though not with an A. Or probably even a B. But since this course is all year, I have another midterm and final to add to this one.

It's been tough to fit the study time in, what with working, and 5 other tough classes, and other labs and exams and papers, and the boyfriend, and co-leading my Core group... and you know, there's facebook... (actually I'm not that bad of a facebook junkie; but blog-reading... there is my problem. Also downloading music. My library expands every time I have to study)...

So wish me luck and send me prayers. My next exam is tomorrow morning at 8:30, so I have less than 24 hours to cram for my other hardest class. I have a lot to learn... and this one I can't fail because it actually IS the end of the class... and this exam is worth 40%. Yikes.

Fall on campus is beautiful

Fall here is absolutely gorgeous. Of course it doesn't look this nice anymore... a lot more drab and dreary. But this is one of the times I managed to have my camera with me on a sunny day a couple weeks ago. It's a little over-exposed, but you get the idea. Colours are amazing.

(None)

So, I've been told my whole life by certain people that I'm an angry person... and I'll admit, I've got some anger issues. Most people wouldn't tell you that right off the bat, because I don't come across as some ball of fury or whatever and generally seem pretty happy and cheerful.

I've always warned R, however, that I tended towards anger as a form of defense... and he always disagreed with me. Told me people that told me I was angry were just projecting their perceptions onto me... It was kind of nice to hear that.

But the other day he mentioned that he noticed that my anger just kinda goes in cycles... at one thing, then another, then a third thing... then back to the first thing.

Stupid psychology... what happened to the good old days when not everyone had issues? It feels like such a self-centred world right now... everyone needs to discover themselves, and undergo therapy, and "deal with underlying issues" of resentment or whatnot... I guess I was hoping I wouldn't be one of those people. Not that I'm judging anyone.

So it makes me sad... He's very accepting and supportive and whatever, but I'm just sad that he has to deal with that broken part of me when I was hoping that some of those issues were resolved.

I'm starting my new job!!

So I have to get to Surrey so many times it's not even funny. He wanted me to come in on three consecutive weekdays for training... and I'm like, uhh, pardon? Did he forget that I have classes every day and that I live at UBC?

So I'm going in Saturday/Sunday/Tuesday combos for the next three weekends. I'm going to die. First of all, the hours: 6am-1pm Sat/Sun, 3-10pm Tuesday nights. So I'm going to have to get someone to drive me to city hall at 6 a.m. on weekends, and somehow get back to Vancouver after 10pm on a Tuesday. I'm considering insuring my car... if I'm making more $ I could maybe afford it, but what I really need to be buying is a laptop. Or just food and stuff.

So I'm going to be exhausted. I've got a midterm this Friday and a massive lab report (from a 3-week lab) due on Monday... meaning I won't be getting much of the lab done before the midterm, so it'll all be on the weekend. Also sucky is that I have to be home for the entire weekend. There's no way I can get work done at home. Not only am I on my sister's comp (which doesn't have EXCEL! OH NO!) but it's in the living room. And there is no way that my family can stay away from me ... I'm a delectable target for conversation simply because I'm home. I've GOT to figure out how to find a computer that I can work on.

And then working Tuesday, I'm going to miss the review class for my midterm NEXT week, on the Thursday... so feeling screwed. And since I'm feeling screwed, I'm blogging.


At least I'll be making some decent money for once in my life. Around $24/hour? Really excited for that to show up in my account.

It's been a crazy week

7 days:

• R's surprise birthday hockey game / appy's and drinks at Darby's
• Early-morning wait at the US border
• Day of shopping
• Family birthday dessert
• Up early for first service at church
• Thanksgiving lunch at my house
• Thanksgiving dinner at R's house
• Grocery shopping Monday morning
• Drive back home
• Study
• Three midterms
• Jimmy Eat World concert at the Commodore
  
• Lunch with Katie
  
• 2.5 year "dating-iversary"

And the highlight!! I got a new duvet cover!! For some strange reason I love all new bedding. This is my newest enjoyment (from Jysk, on sale for a student's price):

Doesn't it look cozy? It's calling to me as we speak. I'm going to join it.

This is how I feel

Like this... plus exhausted.

My furniture is so comfortable

What a cutie.

This is what it takes to "cuddle" on the couch.

Practice

So I decided to take a photo ramble through campus, since R is gone for the weekend and I'm trying to just take a day to relax. I've been learning some photography theory and wanted to explore the capabilities of my (actually, R's) camera - exposure, aperture, shutter speed, etc. I got rather discouraged when I was out there, feeling like I couldn't capture what I wanted to, but some of the pictures look okay. At least, there are elements about some of them that I've never been able to quite master before. Not that they're mastered now, by any means.

View of foggy fields on my way to work every day

Blogging re-initiated now that I have no time

Yep, how many of you missed me? I had a decent summer, wasn't too packed. I worked. Now that I'm back at school, and my full schedule is looming, I shall re-familiarize you all with my life as it is. Since I have so much free time now.

How about a class list:

1) Biochemistry 303 (looks hard - runs all year. Lots of memorizing chemical structures. Ugh.)
2) Biology 300 - Biometrics (like a stats class. Shouldn't be too bad, there's a computer-lab component as well)
3) Biology 331 - Developmental Biology (looks hard as well - 4 credit class instead of the usual 3. Also a lab component)
4) Biology 334 - Intro to Genetic Analysis (fun!!! I LOVE this class so far. It's all puzzles and tracing genetic diseases - not much memorizing either, just applying problem-solving skills)
5) Biology 361 - Cell physiology (my prof talks super fast, but this class shouldn't be too bad)
6) Biology 360 - Cell physiology lab, runs all year, with no associated lecture. Stands on its own. Looks fun.

I'm also co-leading a Core group (like a Bible study, associated with University Christian Ministries on campus), and attending weekly meetings, and possibly serving in a musical/worship area, though that is my last priority and they are aware of that.

AND! I'm getting a JOB!! Good thing, because I'm running out of money. I was also hoping to go on this retreat next weekend with UCM, but it's an extra $55 I don't have... amazing how my budget constricts. Once my scholarship's in maybe I won't feel so tight.

And now I don't feel so tight because I know this job is on the way!! I have been waiting for about a month and a half since the first interview - it's a typist job in Surrey for the RCMP, so I have to have security clearance. I had to do a security interview, and I knew it would be a long process... but I almost gave up hope. I think everyone that I told about this potential job thinks it fell through because it's been so long. But I heard from her today, and she's finally got the clearance, meaning we can start on the next step! Like working!! It'll suck to be going back to Surrey so often, but I am just an auxiliary (not the full-timer) so I am not the only person they rely on... it sounds like we can adjust pretty well for time. Like Saturdays and maybe one or two evenings/week. And it's union pay, so it's worth the travel time even for one shift.

Leaving my job this summer was kind of sad - I got to know my co-workers so much better this year. Felt like part of the team, and I was way more useful this year as well. Helps to not have to train from the beginning. I was indespensable! Felt good.

And on my last day, my boss brought in a big bouquet of flowers for me and they all signed a card hoping I'll be back next summer (they're sucking up because they got all these phone calls for references for this during-the-school-year job). AND the ladies all got together (3 of them in my department, 2 in reception) and bought me Timmy Ho's gift certificates!! They know how I love my morning coffees and they know I feel tight for money and they handed me a stack of ten booklets! That's $50 to Tim Hortons. Since we have 2 on campus I can afford to buy one coffee/week (say... Mondays?) and do that both semesters without losing a penny. I'm so thankful for the blessing of that job and those nice ladies.

And R and I are still together (he's on the first floor of my building this year, and I'm on the third).

I really miss my little sister.

I love the weather here - it's been hot but today was the first foggy day. I forgot how much I love the wind and fog on the point - stirs the romantic in me.

So tell me something. What do you want to hear about this year? I see all these themes in other peoples' blogs - Foto Fridays, Hair Thursdays, etc. For all you (3) faithful readers, maybe I'd find a funny comment to share each day I post. Or post a picture to epitomize my life that day. Any thoughts?

I'm not very good with random

1. I was homeschooled for a total of 4.5 years, interspersed with three different elementary schools, a middle school, and a high school.

2. I have 3 adopted siblings, 2 of which we still get in touch with occasionally. My parents were young and the 3 kids (all siblings with each other) had fetal alcohol syndrome. It was a challenge.

3. I taught myself to read before kindergarten and I spent the next 10 years with my face glued in books... a common answer to the question "where's Tricia?" was "reading on the can."

4. Despite being a science student, I get incredibly fixated (OCD anyone?) on spelling mistakes. Just ask me about the most common ones (tomorrow... it only has one "m"). I will rant.

5. One time I dyed two front pieces of my hair blonde. Then I decided to streak my hair blue (semi-permanently) but it just looked black, with green pieces in front. I tried to re-bleach them to lose the green and they turned orange... so I had orange/black/green hair. That was the end of my hair-dyeing attempts.

6. My first celebrity crush was on Phil, from the Newsboys. There was one line he sang that I would play over and over again on the music video machine at the Christian bookstore. I think I had a thing for his long hair.

7. I can't wait to have a baby. All I read about these days is poop and vomiting and tired and busy and terrible two's - but none of that can stop me. This machine is built for baby-making!! I turned 19 and maternal instinct just kicked in - never really thought of myself as a baby-person before that... I was all about a career. This doesn't mean I don't want a career, but now every time I see a baby R tries to cover my eyes so I don't ask him for one.

So! I don't know if I know 7 bloggers that haven't already done this... so I'm tagging Steph, Christine, Laura (though I understand if she doesn't do it, cuz she's in Africa), Sarah J (who I also haven't heard anything from in forever), Kim, and Heather.

Here are the rules… Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

Yay!

My last grade finally came in. I am becoming more and more pleased with my grades. My first semester at UBC was a shocker - I had a better-than-4.0 at TWU, but I quickly learned that TWU didn't have quite the academic standards that UBC has. My first term at UBC kinda flattened my faith in my academic level, but as I'm getting more and more used to the huge classes - and the need to network, immediately - they're slowly raising. I got straight A's this term, if you count A minuses:

Physical Chemistry: 84% (A-)
Intro to Biochemistry: 80% (A-)
Invertebrate Zoology: 81% (A-)
Organic Chemistry Lab: 89% (A)
Diatonic Harmony: 89% (A) I think I need to switch majors... music here I come!

So I've never been happy with 80 percents, but I'm realizing that 80%'s are GREAT!! Especially if they're relatively consistent. I'm learning not to be deathly dependent on good grades - other things are more important. I'm more excited to take more 3rd-year classes, cuz they'll be more specialized and interesting. Harder, but not so boring.

So I went back to my old job

What's different:

1. I got a raise! ($1.50!!)
2. I have a new desk neighbour who's much friendlier and more talkative than my last one.
3. I have no stapler. Very sad.
4. I have no phone (good and bad... good because less responsibility, but I think my supervisor's getting one for me soon)
5. There's construction everywhere, and our street is now a one-way, full of pylons and dirt and gravel. I have to take 2 detours to get to work and I have to double-park in our shrinking parking lot. We have to have vehicle ID tags in case someone who's boxed in has to leave.
6. I have a corkboard now instead of shelves (good for all the papers on my desk, bad for where I can put my binders of product info)
7. We have new warehouse locations, new procedures, new prices, new products - many things to learn.
8. I have a cool little "office organizer" - you know, the black wire mesh things - for my pen (singular) and pencil (again singular) and paper clips and white-out and sticky notes. There are too many empty compartments. I have to find some more office supplies just to fill out the organizer a little bit.
9. A new fax machine!! The 6 works the first time I press it!! Every time!!
10. I'm trying to drink more water at my desk.
11. A new monitor! Flat screen, no more big clunky old one.
12. My computer is slower than I remember. They sure spared no expense. My order entry skills seem tainted because I have to wait for the computer to catch up with ME.

What's the same:

1. It's still freezing. A/C is my friend, but I think they overdo it a little bit. Walking out the door requires shedding 3 layers of sweaters.
2. It's still boring.
3. Shipping details are still what mess me up the most.
4. We still have weekly meetings.
5. Morning coffee is still free!
6. Order entry is still boring.
7. I'm at the same desk in the same corner by the IT door so the poor guy has to go around my chair anytime he goes in the IT room.
8. I still dressed up nicely for the first day, and came the second day as per usual, without makeup.
9. Everyone else is still super nice, though a few new people have come and a few old people are gone.
10. Did I mention it's still boring?
11. My feet are cold.
12. McDonald's is still nearby... so I'm still always tempted... packing a lunch is still boring and there's still no food at my house with which to do it. I've held out so far.

Tech-y

I'm so proud of myself! I bought a router today and set up a wireless network in my house. Security-enabled it and everything, with a network key. This way I have a computer with internet in my room (my own) and I don't have to fight with my sister for her internet. Sweet deal.